Thoughts, dreams, hope, wishes and incoherent babbling....

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Hello! It's a glorious day today!!! Sun is shining and it's not terribly cold. I've had a crazy couple of days. Eating wise, I've been amazing, I'm very proud of myself. Yesterday was a VERY stressful day, I had a deadline for a website I was working on, which took me until 5:30, then I was supposed to have 2 vocal students. That meant I had to be dress, packed and ready to got to theatre then straight to the bar to sing by 6:30. My students didn't show up (they're coming at 11:00 am today). Then I flew to theatre and taught the kids for 2 hours. After that I went to Sax and sung with my band for 5 hours. I was dreading it because of my day up until that point and the fact that I was soooooooooo tired. Surprise of surprises, Shannon, Judy and Zoltan showed up! As well as a bunch of Sax regulars that are friends. We had a ton of fun. At the end of the night I was introduced to a fellow who had been sitting right up next to us all night. Well, turns out not only does he own a coffee house on main St and could hire us, he's a promoter for all kinds of venues. He also is an artist. Before he left he handed me a sketch he did of me. WOW !!!! It's so cool. He did one of the guys too. I'm going to scan it in and post it on my website. It was a very good night.

I was very tempted yesterday, when I was overwhelmed with work, to binge. I didn't however. I was also smart, thinking ahead I put 2 peices of bread in a zip lock baggie for when I got home. I'm always very hungry when I get home from a gig. I ate them and went in my room, then to bed!!! Yea!!!!!!

Hmmmm what else is new.... oh my hair colour. I'm usually a golden/strawberry blond, (yes it's dyed, but yes I was born a blond) and use a specific brand and colour. Well being adventurous, I decided to try another brand in a slightly more reddish tone. Well it turned out cartoon orange. That's not the worst. It was very blotchy. So here I am faced with going out to a gig with lepord hair. I bought more dye. Now, this won't hurt my hair but my scalp is another story all together. Your suposed to dye your hair on NON washed hair so that the dirt and oils protect your scalp from the chemicals. (I used to be a cosmetition. One of my many past carrers) Well my scalp was all squeeky clean. I now have chemical burns. Ouch!!!!! My hair is all one colour. (Though it wound up darker than the first dye when I specificaly use a dye 3 shades lighter. Chemistry! Go figure!) It's now quite red. Shannon loves it. She says it's the red of Nicole Kidmans when she's in "Practical Magic".

Well I guess I'd better get to work .

Later!
posted by Tamara at 9:38 AM

 
I've been sticking to healthy eating so far today. (My food journal is here. If your interested.) It's such a beautiful day today. Sunny and about 55 F. I'd love to be outside right now instead of chained to my computer but I have a ton of design work to do. So here I sit blogging away........... Ok, Ok.... I'm going.... Later! :)
posted by Tamara at 12:49 PM

 
Good morning. I did it. I stepped on the scale. 209 at 5'2. Ack! Not healthy!!!!! But on the upside it's 2 pound lighter than my heaviest. So were going to approach this day as if we are 2 pounds lighter. To be honest, I was expecting the numbers to be higher. Today I have tons of graphic work to catch up on and then band rehersal. Tomorrow night is my gig at Sax. Nancy is stopping by to take some pics of me and the guys for the music contest. It's cool, I can enter alone and with the guys!!! An extra lottery ticket whoo hoo!!!! Chat more later!
posted by Tamara at 9:23 AM

 
What a day! I just got back from running around with Jenn and her friend Andrea. Jenn finally brought me the pics from my photo shoot. Ooops, I guess I should explain that. I found a music competition, run by the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Coperation) and they require that you submit a recient photo. Well I haven't had one take in a few years. At this weight I don't really want to see my self in pictures. Shannon and I got together with my friend Jenn (who is an awsome photographer) and spent 10 hours taking black and white and colour pictures. It was tons of fun. I felt really pretty and excited when I did it but of course I knew that would change when I saw the pics. If you've seen Shannons pic (view her web site here) you'll understand my other feelings of inferiority. The photos turned out better and worse than I thought. God I am huge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew I'd gained weight but woah!!! Some of the pics however, I managed to hide the chin and belly enough that they look ok. Good enough to send anyhow. I'm feeling a little depressed about things right now. I have to get rid of this weight. I don't need to be a twig, just not gross anymore. I'll post some pics on my website once they are scaned. I'm also going to bite the bullet and step on the scale in the am. I'll post that peice of depressing news as well. If I'm going to do this I may as well do it compleatly and honestly. Chat later. :)
posted by Tamara at 3:39 PM

 
I watched "Oprah" today and I was totally moved by the most extraordinary woman I have ever seen. Her name is Lauren Manning and she was outside of the North World Trade center building on September 11. She wound up with burns to 82% of her body and was given a 10% chance of survival. Well, she did survive and is battling her way back with the love of her husband and an entire globe. I can't even begin to imagine the hell this amazing soul has been though and yet her spirit shines so brightly. She is so strong, positive and loving. She worked as a VP for Cantor/Fitzgerald so she also has had to deal with the death of so many friends and co-workers. She was a real life check for me today. I have no problems in comparsion to what she is going though. Really makes you think. Say a prayer of thanks for all you have today and while your at it say a prayer of support and thanks for Lauren and her family. She is truly a symbol of hope and triumph of the human spirit.

Well I guess I'm off to band rehersal. Later!!! :)
posted by Tamara at 6:52 PM

 
Hi! I've just spent the last few hours working on my "Journey" website. I'm hoping this internet thing will help me with my weight loss. I've tried everything else. It's frustrating. I'm an intelligent person, I know why I do the things I do, I know how to lose weight, I'm well educated in nutrition and fitness, so why can't I do it? I'm so tired of fighting yet I would never stop, (Yup, I'm really stubborn and strong willed :) ) I just wish I could get my head in the right place. I'm queen of "Tomorrow I start fresh from scratch" so today I can do what I want. I feel a sense of freedom when I do that but I never "start fresh". Ok, I do for a while but I hasn't lasted yet. Note that I said yet - I'm determined to do this. Well that's all for now I've got some graphic work to do and a rehersal tonight. If I have time I'll write again later.
posted by Tamara at 1:16 PM